“Flowers! Flowers! Get your flowers here! Lots of shapes, colors and sizes. Just like you say you like the folks in your neighborhoods!”
Maybe that wasn’t the best-ever approach to selling flowers, but with most people in their cars ignoring me altogether, it seemed as reasonable an approach as smiling. That was the way I’d started out, if only because Julia and Tom had taken out all the yellow flowers out that I was allergic to.
When the traffic light turned orange, back to the curb with the bouquets I went. Leaning on the shopping cart packed with floral arrangements, I watched the cars as they zoomed to what was unofficially the good side of town–their headlights freshly lit against the setting sun. It was in this stream, Julia had said, that Tom had the best luck selling flowers. Since he couldn’t stand to do it anymore, what exactly did luck amount to here? Should I hope a rich old guy who’d cheated on his latest wife would pass by in his limousine all flower-crazed?
“You there!” he’d say. “I’ll take the whole cart-full.”
“Sir,” I would say, “I can’t let a man of your stature buy these–not without an extremely significant mark-up in price.”
“I’m sure they’re worth every penny. What they lack in a small but artful card attached, they make up for in being sold by a person of color on the street. My wife loves that kind of thing!”
“Then you got it!” I’d say, able to head to the bake-off and see my friends win in one fell swoop.
The walk signal went up, and grinning at my daydream, I towed the yellow line as traffic crawled to a halt. And then, after another sale-free round that I’d managed to smile through, I did it again sans smiling. A guy in a green car hailed me over and bought some roses. He was among a swath of passengers big on rolling their windows up as I got nearer. But, after the woman in the car behind him watched as he rolled his window down to pay for the flowers, she raised a finger and bought a mixed bouquet.
When the sun went down, I should have headed for the pie contest, but in two hours, all I had sold was four bouquets (at five dollars). Only the wind had picked up in the last half-hour. I wanted to do just a little bit more, so as the traffic light turned red, I went out between the cars a little further–out of view of the cart. There was no real logic to this, except some faint hope that maybe the people in the middle and back of traffic were in less of a rush to get to bars and restaurants in pretty neighborhoods. Maybe they’d see me a bit more, even if they had little use for flowers.
“Flowers! Flowers! Get your flowers here!”
On the way back to the curb, the light turned green. The oncoming cars were sparse, and I was surprised to feel the sense of panic that I did. Maybe being hit by a car still affected me after all.
On my right, someone honked and I waited where I was for the car to pass. But it didn’t. Soon, a black compact pulled up next to me, and Jean, of the flower-planting lot, was in the passenger seat. In the driver seat there was a husky, dark-haired guy. The look he gave me suggested the distinct possibility that he hated my guts.
“I thought that was you,” Jean said, leaning over. “So you hate flowers, and you sell them?”
“Yeah, I’m complicated like that.” I nodded at the driver. “You want to buy some flowers for your lady friend, buddy? Or, no wait, that’s not fair.” I looked at Jean. “Do you want to buy some flowers for him?”
The driver stared ahead.
“Be nice,” Jean told him. I looked past her window to the cart with the rest of flowers, which someone in a gray cap was pushing it away.
I ran for the curb. In the next lane of the street, I held one of the bouquets up to signal a brown car to stop. As it honked and braked in short sputters, the guy in the gray cap grabbed a bushel of bouquets from inside the cart — then he pushed the cart rolling toward the street. I scrambled and tripped over the curb to secure it.
When I looked up, the man in the gray cap was dashing around a corner with a few bouquets. With the two bouquets he’d dropped on the ground nearby, at least there was a bit less for me to have to re-invest in flowers.
Horns honked back in the street. With a small queue of cars behind them, Jean and her driver were headed off in the direction of lots of restaurants, which was fitting, since they already kind of got to see a show.
I went to pick up the dropped bouquets before the wind caught in the wrapped paper and pulled them further away.
Before I joined my friends, I was supposed to leave the flower cart back at Julia’s place. But that would have made me even later, so I took it with me. It wasn’t all that different from pushing the mail cart at work.
The venue for the pie contest was the lobby of an art gallery. There were a dozen people at the entrance, and the wind was gusting so that I and the remaining flowers in the cart breathed in their mixture of cigarette and choco-cigar smoke. I stifled a cough and asked:
“I don’t suppose any of you want to buy any flowers?”
Eyebrows raised, but only a brown-skinned guy with a goatee and a faint accent answered. “Nah, man,” he said. “We’re good.”
I had to go in back-first to pull the cart in, and the wind pulled away the petals of some of the bouquets. As I stepped inside the last possible ‘best pie’ was being tasted, and it wasn’t Limon’s and Julia’s. Over at the top part of a three table set-up, a group of people swarmed around a pretty woman with an asymmetrical haircut. Before I could turn —
“Hey,” a man in a leather jacket said, approaching me. “You can’t bring that in here. Nobody wants to buy any flowers.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not actually trying to sell any. Just here to see my friends. Look, I’ll just tuck it right here by the door.”
The guy noticed we were starting to get the attention of the little crowd up front. “How about you tuck it outside?”
“It’s pretty windy out there. Some of them would blow away.”
“I really don’t care, guy.”
“Well, you should. Check it. Without flowers, you’ve got no charm at all. But if I were to hand you one of these, well . . . It’s like night and day.”
The guy blinked then grabbed the other end of the cart.
“All right . . . I’ll take it out.”
Nodding, he didn’t let go until I was maneuvering the cart back through the door. It was while I was doing this that Tom and Limon came over to us.
“Hey, Roger,” Tom said. “I’ll put the rest of the flowers in my car. They’re going to announce the winner soon, anyway.”
As Tom took the cart out, Limon shook his head.
“How is it that you can have that . . .” Limon stopped to nod at a sculpture of a melted man in a corner. “But you can’t let this cart stay up in here for five minutes?”
“I’m not going to try to explain how art works,” the man in the leather jacket said, then he went off to a small, crowded table where there was soda and wine.
Through the window, I could see traces of petals zipping through the air as Tom pushed the cart to his car. Limon and I reluctantly joined Julia on the other side of the room, where there was a piece of pie waiting for me. Most of our pie — a blueberry number — was already gone. As we walked through the room, I noticed this wasn’t the case with most of the other pies.
Julia hit me lightly on my arm. “Why’d you bring the cart?”
“I was trying to wait out some more buyers. If I didn’t bring it, I would have missed this completely.”
My stomach was growling, but with Tom outside, it didn’t feel right eating the slice of pie with my name on it. Limon, Julia and I simply waited for the contest results.
We got second place, behind a man who won with two apples and a banana in a pie crust. Whip cream kept the smile in place.
“Hell no,” Limon said. “They ate more out of our pie than anybody else’s, and we still get second place?”
“Well,” I said, “at least there’s a little left for later.”
Limon shot me a look. “I don’t know why I thought you might actually know how I feel these days. Except for trying to get out of the mail room, you pretty much gave up.”
“Whoa, I did take it seriously. You’re kidding yourself if you think winning this wouldn’t have made you feel better about Nellie.”
Limon looked to Julia. “Aight … Tell Tom I’m going to walk home.”
Julia stopped me from going after him. “Just let him go,” she said. “Second place isn’t so bad for somebody else’s contest, right?”
Years after my own heart was broken, I was walking into the street when a van backed into me and then took off. I landed on the ground, just under the bumper of a light blue car. All the air had been knocked out of me. While the sidewalk was busy enough, no one noticed me. I thought I’d lay there in pain forever until this brown-skinned woman found me. She hung up on whoever she was talking to on the phone, and called the paramedics. In and of itself, this seemed like a miracle, but she stayed long enough for me to be able to talk through the pain. I remember that she lit up a little every time I spoke, though I can’t remember what I said–just her responses. She was intelligent and nice and warm–and pretty to me. And I couldn’t imagine, for the life of me, her being in tune with what already seemed so mapped out in life.
I saw her one more time, when I wasn’t so physically broken, and she raised her head, all excited to see me. But it was like I was stuck in a tunnel of myself. I couldn’t get out to say, “Hey.”
Tom managed to squeeze the cart in the backseat, and I sat next to it for the drive homeward. Up front, Julia and Tom were both quiet. I’d wanted to give them a trifle of a good night, but I’d come up short. The wind howling around the car seemed to say as much.
I didn’t have anything to add until Tom mentioned something about a lot of bees.
“Those aren’t bees,” Julia said behind the wheel. “They’re, um . . . petals.”
I squinted through the windshield. “Yeah, I’d go with petals.”
“Huh,” Tom said. “You know, they’re kind of nice not all bundled together, aren’t they?”
We all laughed, and I knew that without a night out trying to sell flowers to people in the street, those words wouldn’t have wrung a bit of humor for me. When Julia put the windshield wiper on, we laughed again. But under the ginger streetlight, the windswept swarm of petals made for something unique to pass through, and the ensuing quiet was not gloomy like the one before. It was nice enough that I wished I wasn’t a third wheel. Then it felt like I’d wandered into the path of the blunt side of a van all over again.
“Where do you think they’re coming from?” Julia said.
“Some kind of magic hippie,” Tom offered.
“I hope not,” I said. “Pacifist that I am, I’d have to kick his ass before he started doing complicated handshakes with all the guys on corner-duty.”
When Julia turned on a street where there was one side of the local lot, I sat up. The gusts of petals were coming from the garden there. As Julia dropped me off near the garden, I sneezed as soon as the door to the car was open. I told Tom and Julia they didn’t have to stay, but they seemed to be enjoying the site of all those petals swirling upward into the night sky. Me, I sneezed again as I hopped over the fence inside.
With everything that used to be here cleared away, I spotted Limon immediately. By the handful, he was tearing the yellow flowers away like they were weeds.
“Rodge,” Limon said, “you’re just in time to help me clear this crap out of here.”
My eyes watering up from the pollen, I shook my head. “Is this really going to make you feel better?”
“It is,” Limon said, yanking away another group of yellow flowers. After he did that, he swiped at only the petals until he had bundles of them in both arms. “She loves me not, and neither do any of those people who want these flowers here and us outta here. They don’t have any love for anybody that’s been here they whole life, man.”
” I . . . ” I held up a finger, then sneezed and in that time, Limon was well on his way to tearing half of the garden away. “Hey! Will you hold up one moment?”
I put my hand on Limon’s shoulder, and he slapped my arm away. More sinus than man, I stumbled back and fell on my ass. Score another one for the magic hippie, wherever he was.
“Damn it, Roger,” Limon said. He was out of breath. “Why couldn’t you just help me out on this one?”
“I did . . . Look, there was nothing I could really tell you when it came to Nellie, but it wasn’t like I didn’t try.”
“Everything we went through here,” Limon said. “I just felt like she got that, but, at the end of the day . . . ”
“Yeah, look, I know. How can it all just come to nothing, right? Once you get that feeling, it’s like a big scar. I mean, some people . . . you know they could care less about your existence, but when it’s someone you think might not like be that, it hurts worse.”
Limon reached out his hand to help me up. When I was standing, I pointed to my face. “The tears in my eyes . . . all allergy-based.”
Limon cracked a smile for a second, then slowly shook his head. “Are we even here, if someone over there isn’t telling us that we got first place? Even if it’s some stupid pie contest.”
“Yeah, we’re here. Look, I’m not trying to defend these stupid flowers. They’re far from people, and I’d be a complete chump if I did that. It’s just, they already think everyone from here does stuff like tear them up.”
Limon took a breath. “What now?”
“If they need flowers, they still have plenty. And for once,” I said, pointing to Julia and Tom in the car, “some of us had a nice view when we needed it.”
“So that’s it then, huh? Back to the mail room tomorrow when I feel like I can barely breath.”
I sneezed. “I know the feeling. Take another day off, if you can. Just try not to sink into yourself like I did.”